Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy Birthday to my Mother
Who taught me to be good and live from the heart
Who lived by example and comforted those in need: Not only in need of food and clothing, but in need of friendship, comfort, forgiveness and acceptance. Who was the first one to invite someone to dinner who was being shunned by our little society and the first to reach out, not just with a casserole but a hand, to those who were in pain. Who smiled through adversity and made everyone else comfortable even when she was in pain. Who tried to shelter me from those influences I didn’t quite understand and as a child resented her for – like taking away my Barbie doll and Mad magazines and not letting me watch tv; not letting me go to PG movies or stay out past dark. Who made everyday life fun as well as a learning experience: baking a cake for Washington on his birthday (with a tree and cherries on top of course!), following the make way for ducklings trail as well as the freedom trail and climbing the bunker hill monument. For simple fall days picking apples and picnicking on plaid wool blankets with a real woven wicker basket. For limiting sugar and feeding us vegetables. For all those things I completely took for granted. For creating a loving, stable home full of warmth – especially when there was a roaring fire in the fireplace (ok, that one dad gets credit for!). For all these things I am thankful. I wish I had gotten the chance to tell you so. I wish you could see how much they stayed with me now that I am trying to pass them along to my daughter. I like to believe that somehow you do see and see how she talks about her Grandma Gail when we sing the Moon Song at night or she plays with your ring hanging around my neck or hugs her stuffed bunny. I wish you could have known me as an adult and hugged me and my child goodnight. Happy Birthday. Happy Thanksgiving. It is more than a coincidence they happen together. We miss you. I thank you. I love you.

Choix de Vivre

This blog intends to be a mindful look at everyday life and be thankful for the little things, both figuratively and literally. It will hopefully serve as a reminder that the universe is full of good if you just pause and allow yourselves to appreciate it. So here goes:

I am reminded daily that my choix de vivre is my joy of life. She reminds me when the first squeak from her lips in the morning is a searchful sleepy "Mommy". Her smile when she finds my cuddling arms reminds me. When she demands "my turn" and stands on her tippy toes to stretch her 3 yr old legs to push herself up on the potty, I feel proud and at the same time silly for feeling so. When she surfaces from her room with a striped shirt and polka-dot pants and two different color socks, so "chuffed" that she did it "all by myself", I am truly reminded, for it is both an accomplishment and an expression of herself. Although she may one day berate me for letting her leave the house dressed like that, until then I will cherish her enthusiasm to do so! When I drop her off at her first day of pre-school, she gives me a kiss to take with me and I walk out the door with a big sigh and feel both freedom and emptiness at the same time. For all of this, I am thankful and despite the last 3 years of sleep deprivation, loss of self, and 24-7 challenge of raising a baby to toddler to little girl, she brings me a joie de vivre that is unimagineable and insurpassable - all of this from a choice that changed my life for the best. For this, for her, I am truly thankful.