Baby Bundle (of anxiety?)

What’s the most anxiety-provoking thing you’ve ever done?
Well, if you’ve ever had a child then say no more. That’s your answer.
You spend the first days in complete awe that you made this little being and then awe is replaced by trying to figure out how to take care of this tiny, fragile life-altering bundle. It is no wonder parenting is fraught with anxiety! Basically, you are obsessed with what you need to do to keep them alive and help them thrive. Just when you have it down and are into a rhythm, then the next stage comes and you need to figure out what to do next. Even though all they do is eat, sleep, poop and cry, parents can spend hours obsessing on all of the details that entails. Breastmilk or formula, co-sleep or crib, cloth or disposable diapers, cry-it-out or feed on demand? The issues to consider for even the most basic needs can be quite overwhelming. So after researching your options and making those agonizing decisions, it is no surprise that we cling so close to them. After all, if someone else has chosen a different path that they think is right does that somehow make our decision less right? It is just far too threatening to consider. So we defend our decisions in the hopes that doing so will somehow make our child or our parenting okay. But in actuality, whatever choice that you have made, if it works for you and your baby even though it may not have worked for your neighbor – that’s Okay. There are so many options and choosing the right one for you takes not just research but some introspection about what your lifestyle is and what you would like it to be. Ultimately, the child is your litmus test and if the baby is happy then you are probably doing just fine. If you are comfortable with your choice and it works for you then that will most likely translate to a happy household and child. So give yourself a break (and your neighbor) and don’t over-analyze it – just take a bit of time to look inside yourself and ask your gut what’s right for you. Then smile and hug your child, knowing you made your own choice for reasons that are right for you.

Choix de Vivre

This blog intends to be a mindful look at everyday life and be thankful for the little things, both figuratively and literally. It will hopefully serve as a reminder that the universe is full of good if you just pause and allow yourselves to appreciate it. So here goes:

I am reminded daily that my choix de vivre is my joy of life. She reminds me when the first squeak from her lips in the morning is a searchful sleepy "Mommy". Her smile when she finds my cuddling arms reminds me. When she demands "my turn" and stands on her tippy toes to stretch her 3 yr old legs to push herself up on the potty, I feel proud and at the same time silly for feeling so. When she surfaces from her room with a striped shirt and polka-dot pants and two different color socks, so "chuffed" that she did it "all by myself", I am truly reminded, for it is both an accomplishment and an expression of herself. Although she may one day berate me for letting her leave the house dressed like that, until then I will cherish her enthusiasm to do so! When I drop her off at her first day of pre-school, she gives me a kiss to take with me and I walk out the door with a big sigh and feel both freedom and emptiness at the same time. For all of this, I am thankful and despite the last 3 years of sleep deprivation, loss of self, and 24-7 challenge of raising a baby to toddler to little girl, she brings me a joie de vivre that is unimagineable and insurpassable - all of this from a choice that changed my life for the best. For this, for her, I am truly thankful.