What’s in your Purse?

You can tell a lot about someone by what is in their purse. Not the planned contents like wallet, cell phone, and keys but the things that gather there along the way surreptitiously. Recently I was entering a government building here in our Nation’s Capital and as protocol slipped my bag into the x-ray machine. On the other side the guard retrieved it and rifled through it looking for something he found suspicious. After rummaging through plastic toads, receipts and coupons, barrettes and a plastic heart ring, a small bag of oyster crackers left over from a bowl of New England clam chowder, a ticket stub to the only Show I’ve been to in years, eye-drops and allergy meds, crayons and a super-ball, loose change and dinner mints, and more, the guard declared, “There’s too much shit in your purse”.

Yup. That pretty much sums it up. There is too much shit in my purse, proverbial and otherwise. My life is cluttered. Cluttered with a routine that is hard to keep up with and an activity schedule that leaves us spinning. Cluttered with stuff – toys that rarely get played with yet always seem to end up in the middle of the floor and clothes that keep arising from the good-will bag for a second chance. Cluttered with a To-do list that is becoming comical and no “honey”-to-do them. Cluttered with the things that interrupt any progress on the to-do list like: the dog jumping the fence and and all that it entails to spring him from the pound; the refrigerator/freezer deciding to quit on Memorial Day weekend and the subsequent struggle to get magic chef to honor their warranty; a rock cracking the windshield and negotiating insurance and replacement, etc, etc, etc. It’s enough to make a girl go mad! So, empty your purses Ladies!! Right now, dump them and simplify, simplify, simplify. We’ll feel better for it.

P.S. When I posted the guard’s comment on my facebook page I got such a resounding response from women friend’s who giggled in recognition, I just had to blog about this. One even suggested I start a Facebook Group. So, dump your purse, itemize and post your contents on “Too much Shit in your Purse” on Facebook Groups!

Our Spring Moose

I have decided that holiday decorations aren’t just for winter anymore! Really, does a moose go into hibernation in the Spring? Certainly not. I did get around to finally taking down the wreaths and lights, but I just couldn’t bring myself to take down the moose. Besides, my dog has befriended her. I still never understand the folks who get their holiday decorations up too early and then take them down the week after Christmas! I have always thought of decorations as a celebration of Winter – they go up after Thanksgiving and stay up until the last snow. Until now. Now I’ve decided to let them linger even longer. My mantel is still adorned with Nutcrackers and holiday cards. My 3 year old protested the removal of her newest heroes after seeing the ballet and falling in love with the sugar plum fairy scene. And besides, how many times do I get pictures of all the people we love and think about throughout the year – if you sent me a photo, chances are it is still on my mantle and we are still enjoying it. Maybe we’ll just wait and take them down one by one next year when we get their updated replacements!

Who's on First?

Today we spent the evening at the emergency room, which I realized too late was more for my child’s amusement than was medically necessary. Fortunately, it was a waste of time and money. Anyway, when we got home she wanted to play “Doctor” so she handed me a green plastic work glove and said “Mommy, you be the Doctor”. I said “Ok” and donned the glove.

She was the patient (and the Director) and went to the waiting room to “exercise” until I called her. (Don’t ask me why, it’s her show…).
So, I called her and began the same inquiry you hear at the Doctor’s office or ER:

Doctor (Mommy): So, what brings you here today?

Patient (3 yr old): The bus.

Mommy (Doctor), completely breaking character: Laughs hysterically, then tries to rein herself in and resume her role….: “Ok, so why did you take the bus here today?”

Impatient Patient: (she replies as if that was a silly question) “Because I DON’T have a CAR!”

I felt like I was in a vaudeville routine! I love being a Mommy!

The Motherhood Tri-athalon

Motherhood is like running a Tri-athalon – every day. An abundance of energy exudes from little bodies like there is not enough body mass to actually soak it up. Mommy’s larger than before body, on the other hand soaks it up quite readily until it is feeling quite parched for more. Yet the kids keep on running and are ready for the next event!

Today my 3 year old and I ran a marathon of activities. We started in the morning with a drive to Haines Point to enjoy the cherry blossoms with a bunch of Moms and about a dozen kids. We did Arts and Crafts, ran, flew a kite (or the kite flew itself – it was quite windy), romped around on the playground, played with the dog, and romped and ran some more. A few hours later, it seemed a good time to go home for a nap (more for Mommy than child). But, she had other plans. She wanted to stop off at the Horse Stables. “Ok, Just for a few minutes”, Mommy said. We pulled in and went to visit the horses.

It was over 3 hours later when we emerged from horse patting, piggy-back riding, exploring the trails with our big red dog, collecting rocks for our rock garden, exploring the nature center’s turtles (where we ran into a neighbor and friend to play with for the following activities), dancing on the stage, making raccoon footprints in the sand, gazing at bees in the indoor hive, examining a leaf in a microscope, gazing at stars in the planetarium, and yet another trip to pet the horses. Only then did I finally convince my daughter to return to the car to head home for dinner. I strapped her in her car seat and gave her a snack for the ride home. On the lap around the car from her door to mine, I took a deep breath and enjoyed the moment of silence... Ahhhhh. As I got back in the car and put the key in the ignition I heard my daughter ask from the back seat, “Mommy, what are we going to do today?”

The "Gift" of the Gab (or is is a Curse?)

Ever since my pregnancy and child’s birth, I have been afflicted with what has been called the “gift of the gab” by some. Since previously I have been much more laid back and quite a good listener, I am not sure what has brought this on. Perhaps it is the hormones activating an otherwise dormant gene (as there are certainly chatterers in my family) and/or sleep deprivation leaving my thoughts uncensored. Maybe living in the islands might have had an effect as there everyone has time to talk and listen and there is not much else to do. Or perhaps it is the isolation of single-motherhood that makes me unleash and process with whomever’s ear I get a hold of. Another theory might be that it is a form of controlling the conversation, since everything else around me seems utterly out of control. I have seen controlling people use this technique, whereby their reality is the only reality since nobody else can get a word in edge-wise. But the thing is I really don’t consider it a gift at all, but rather a curse. I often come away from visits feeling rather unfulfilled, whereas before I felt plumped up with good sharing about what was going on in my friends’ lives after a good give and take like a social dance between friends sharing their foibles and fables of the moment. I have also noticed that some people just stop listening as my voice begins to sound like incessant background noise. Yet, I just can’t seem to stop. This is my curse, which I am hoping will recede once my hormones disperse and I start getting some sleep again. But for now, I will rant on my blog and spare my friends…. Is anyone still listening? Hello? Anyone?